I'm a part of an email string; a forum of sorts that allows myself and several friends to interact and share opinions on topics ranging from sexual preferences to family values. Typically our discussions are light hearted and comedic however, there are times that they become intense and revealing.
Yesterdays topic, on spanking a child that isn't your own yielded a great response surprisingly from all participants. Of course we were unable to focus on the initial topic and it ended up going far left to issues that in my opinom had nothing to do with the original question posed.
That being said I can say that the stance on the topic was clearly divided between the have and the have-nots with the exception of about two people. Participants with children were opposed to others spanking their children and those without while they may have reconsidered their stance later on were initially for it. As the discussion went further myself and another parent were more and more appalled by the responses we were reading. Looking back at that email I have come to two conclusions:
Hhaving children does not mean that you are the end all be all for all things parental, but it does mean you are the end all be allfor YOUR children and other than the co-parent of those children, outside opinions are well... irrelevant. However, just because someone doesn't have child doesn't mean they have no idea as to how a child should be raised (morally at least). I'll admit that my children have an older cousin who is excellent with them and she hasn't had a child yet and she's 30 years old. My sisters closest friend is without children and I would trust her with my own based on how well she does with my sisters. This goes beyond babysitting for a few hours. It would mean that even if she put one of my girls in a corner for a time out I would trust her judgment. I had a heavy hand in the rearing of my nephew for the first 3 years of his life but once I had my own daughter, I was no longer assisting his parents in his upbringing. I had to focus on my own which brings me to my next point. Point #2:
While you may have a handle on what it takes to raise kids you will never truly know all it takes until you actually raise one. Your ideas are based on imagination word of mouth and perhaps reflection of your own parents experiences raising you. Yes, that's an idea, but it's not an experience. I know people without who do a great job with children (my own included) however at the end of the day they send my kids back because they are my kids and they had a few hours, maybe even a week of a notion and then they send them back with me to continue my experience. I often smirk when I hear a person lament over a child they once cared for in a past relationship or a babysitting job etc. I almost always hear "he or she was like my own kid." as a parent, there is no "like" they are my kids. What's my bottom line here?
Being a parent doesn't mean that you should hold yourself exempt from the opinions if those who are not parents. Oh and remarking on someones parental skills when you have yet to put your own to test, is a bit pompous.
In both regards take the time to nibble on a sliver of humble pie before saying words that can't be retracted. I have actually decided to take my own advice on this. Anyone have some milk?
- still chewing and thinkingkinky.
Yesterdays topic, on spanking a child that isn't your own yielded a great response surprisingly from all participants. Of course we were unable to focus on the initial topic and it ended up going far left to issues that in my opinom had nothing to do with the original question posed.
That being said I can say that the stance on the topic was clearly divided between the have and the have-nots with the exception of about two people. Participants with children were opposed to others spanking their children and those without while they may have reconsidered their stance later on were initially for it. As the discussion went further myself and another parent were more and more appalled by the responses we were reading. Looking back at that email I have come to two conclusions:
Hhaving children does not mean that you are the end all be all for all things parental, but it does mean you are the end all be allfor YOUR children and other than the co-parent of those children, outside opinions are well... irrelevant. However, just because someone doesn't have child doesn't mean they have no idea as to how a child should be raised (morally at least). I'll admit that my children have an older cousin who is excellent with them and she hasn't had a child yet and she's 30 years old. My sisters closest friend is without children and I would trust her with my own based on how well she does with my sisters. This goes beyond babysitting for a few hours. It would mean that even if she put one of my girls in a corner for a time out I would trust her judgment. I had a heavy hand in the rearing of my nephew for the first 3 years of his life but once I had my own daughter, I was no longer assisting his parents in his upbringing. I had to focus on my own which brings me to my next point. Point #2:
While you may have a handle on what it takes to raise kids you will never truly know all it takes until you actually raise one. Your ideas are based on imagination word of mouth and perhaps reflection of your own parents experiences raising you. Yes, that's an idea, but it's not an experience. I know people without who do a great job with children (my own included) however at the end of the day they send my kids back because they are my kids and they had a few hours, maybe even a week of a notion and then they send them back with me to continue my experience. I often smirk when I hear a person lament over a child they once cared for in a past relationship or a babysitting job etc. I almost always hear "he or she was like my own kid." as a parent, there is no "like" they are my kids. What's my bottom line here?
Being a parent doesn't mean that you should hold yourself exempt from the opinions if those who are not parents. Oh and remarking on someones parental skills when you have yet to put your own to test, is a bit pompous.
In both regards take the time to nibble on a sliver of humble pie before saying words that can't be retracted. I have actually decided to take my own advice on this. Anyone have some milk?
- still chewing and thinkingkinky.
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