Confessions of A Clueless Dater: When Dating Gets Desperate

I'm not going to give any drawn out introduction to the subject I want to address. There comes a time when dating just becomes desperate. You can't casually disclose that you are "just seeing what's out there" when you are doing any of the following things:

Membership Whoredom: Yeah, I said it. If you are or have been a member of every dating site out there to the point that you know the secrets to getting specials, recognize profiles from the "other" dating sites, and copy and paste your profiles and message replies, you are a membership whore (or a site slut if you prefer alliteration). If you don't know it, allow me to tell you: YOU HAVE REACHED THE POINT OF ADDICTION. You're on just about every site both mainstream and obscure. Your phone chimes with more notifications than drug dealer on a city block and your profile has been seen by thousands. If this is you, you have gone too far. You are not merely testing the waters, you are under the water and by this time your interaction with people is likely contrived and clipped because you want to get to the good part which is a meeting or the point of confidence where you feel like you have found "true love".
Another sign that you have just gone too far and have reached the point of desperation is if you spend time with someone you aren't even interested in. This means that you are so fatigued with finding the person you want that you choose to be with a person you know you don't want. I like to call this one

Surrogate Soulmating. When you find someone that is there just to fill a blank space in your life, you are settling my friend. Often, in frustration we opt to just put an end to what upsets us. This means that if being single is the root of the issue, you stop focusing on finding a person you want to spend your life with and instead focus on resolving the root of the issue which is being single. So you find someone that you really wouldn't want to be with just for the sake of being with someone. It feels good at first. You think you accomplished something until the emptiness finds its way back to you and you feel even more lonely than you did before...while the unwanted significant other is sitting right there in your life! Who solicits this type of madness? Desperate people, that's who. It's better to wait it out than to employ band aid solutions. Some people manifest their dating desperation in yet another way. They like to cling. Clingers latch onto the idea that a person that has no interest in them is "the one". The only obstacle? Making this oblivious soulmate realize that they are meant to be with you. Yup, it's as crazy as it sounds. Clingers will call a person they went on a date with one time and decide to ride that single interaction until the wheels fall off. Once the wheels fall off, they will then drag that

interaction until it's all worn out. After its all worn out, they put the splinter in their pocket. Clingers are the worst because the object of the clingers obsession, I mean affection (no I don't) is well aware that the clinger is desperate. It never ends well for the clinger. Restraining orders, harsh words, and call block only come of clinger behavior. Don't be this desperate. Just let it go. It was just a date, kiss, or one night stand. Leave it be. You aren't in love and I can guarantee that the person you think you are in love with isn't in love with you either. Give it up and get a life (preferably one that doesn't involve creeping people out).
Serial Soulmate: In this case, everyone you meet is the one. EVERYONE. You give everyone a try because in your mind you are always one step away from the rest of your life with someone else. So you always are in love, the new person is always perfect and you go from zero to one hundred in every relationship. Everyone meets your kids. Everyone meets your parents, everyone is the one you plan to marry. Oh, and everyone fails within six months to a year. Please admit your habit. You can't have this amazing connection with each person you meet. You can force people to be what you want them to be which is likely what you are doing. Get your life together. Love yourself. Quit putting your friends and family though the motion of meeting every person you meet and decide to fall in love with for the hell of it. Fashion yourself in a suit of confidence instead of those damned rose colored glasses you keep donning. I'm just saying...

How do I know about this? I've been a victim of it, and sometimes... I was the culprit. Stay Kinky folks.

-Nappy Haired Diva